Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabachthani?
by Sybille Ngo Nyeck

As far as sexuality is concerned, Cameroon — before the Eighties — was a very severe place, with rough regulations on sexual life. This situation was due to forms of ongoing conflicts between traditional and modern values. In my tribe, a child born out of wedlock was considered to be a second class child. Many girls died because of clandestine abortions. Some simply become barren as the result of intoxication. Those who survived with their child had to bear the stigma of a "rebellious daughter."

To punish the child (or to protect him?) the father’s rights were denied to the baby. On the birth certificate of a "second class" child, the civil officers use to write the word "UNKNOWN" or leave the place for the father’s name empty. The child was to be his mother’s family’s "property."

I was born at that time were women were more in want of love than of children. I too received my grandfather’s name and, on my birth certificate, they left a "vacuum."

I was born at that time were women were more in want of love than of children. I too received my grandfather’s name and, on my birth certificate, they left a "vacuum." As a teenager, I use to fight with my cousins whenever they called me a "bastard," but I knew inwardly that the "vacuum" on my birth certificate speaks more than the word "unknown," for it leaves me the choice to fill it with anything I want.

As I grew up, I found more happiness in filling the vacuum with a name: God, known unto God. I have never questioned Mary about the paternity of her son Jesus. I think things should also be that way for those who have been made by culture or by some other reason fatherless or motherless to have something to identify with, even though it still doesn’t make sense for some folks.

I am thankful that my God is not an abstract being "out there" not really caring for me. I daily praise Her/Him in people I meet beyond their sex, color, language, beliefs or sexual orientation, and truly, I can confess with the psalmist that, "Though my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. (Psalm 27:10)"

But there are some events that keep my memory alert to the fact that, while much has been done in terms of women and child rights in my country, still much need to be done.

Compared to India, where young girls and boys are sold by their parents for prostitution, or some other African countries where women are victims of genital mutilations, I might be tempted to say that Cameroonian women are treated on a different scale. But stories that appear in the news, like a recent case of incest published in our national newspaper Cameroon Tribune on Thursday, November 15, 2001, prevent me from any false glorification of women here.

Sir Youssebon (40 years old) is the father of a six year-old child Melissa (this is not her real name). Melissa has been raped together with Cellia (not her real name), a four year-old who is her neighbor and friend.

The two girls pointed their fingers at Melissa’s father, who attracted the innocent girls into his bedroom with chocolates and biscuits. For eight months, sir Youssebon had lived alone with his daughter, whose mother he had sent to her village. The matter went to the court when Cellia’s parents discovered that their daughter had been raped. The medical certificate included in the court file states that the rape was effective, and the two girls were infected by a sexual transmitted disease. The case is under consultation.

The difference between India and Cameroon is that in the former instance the child is SOLD, which means departing the parent’s home. The invisibility or sudden disappearance of the female child can be an indication or sign of child abuse. In Cameroon, children live with their parents and the society expects from the child submission and obedience to their parents (which is praiseworthy when not alienating), especially to the father, who according to our family law is the head of his family.

Women have always been victims of sexual assaults in this country. Babies and old women, schoolgirls and nuns; each woman with a different story. I know a pediatrician who told me that she receives four or five rape cases per month; this means that at least one female child is raped per week.

Women have always been victims of sexual assaults in this country. Babies and old women, schoolgirls and nuns; each woman with a different story. I know a pediatrician who told me that she receives four or five rape cases per month; this means that at least one female child is raped per week. When I asked her how many cases ended up in court, she said very few because 40% of the cases are incestuous. This is perhaps a low percentage, but what makes it difficult is that here the victims are not allowed to express their pain. An incestuous rape is usually only discovered after an infection if the girl is very young. Of course those women who survived without infection are unknown from medical registries.

The rules of my tribe (as well as Cameroonian penal law) condemn incest, but nobody knows how to prevent it.

If the abuser is the child’s father and if the child is very young, the society and the rapist tend to blame either the mother or the devil. "I didn’t know what I was doing."

If the girl is a teenager, no matter who is her abuser she will bear the guilt. "It’s your fault. You chose to go to the cinema alone!"

In my tribe, the tendency was to keep incest affairs secret. Silence was required from the victim, but at least there were a few people who knew. To heal the tribe after an incest affair, the woman victim has to copulate publicly (in front of the traditional rulers) with her abuser before they can be purified. As far as women are concerned, I cannot guess how hard it is for them to face this kind of humiliation.

To heal the tribe after an incest affair, the woman victim has to copulate publicly (in front of the traditional rulers) with her abuser before they can be purified. As far as women are concerned, I cannot guess how hard it is for them to face this kind of humiliation.

Neither can I understand your pain, Melissa and Cellia. I feel helpless but not without hope. If I tell you about my religion will it be any help? I hope the answer is yes because I don’t want you to ignore the story of the so-called "holy father" who raped his two daughters (Gen. 19:30-38). They will tell you how the "angels" failed to rescue them. Maybe you’ll learn more from Dina (Gen. 34) — she’ll probably tell you that "there is no safer place."

I cannot hide you in Nepal, Kosovo, Romania or Italy… where you will be exposed to prostitution. Your father forsook you because he failed to understand that Love cannot be forced or bought; it is only by giving it abundantly and unconditionally that we can receive it in return. You shall find this within you by listening to our cosmic healer and sustainer, the Holy Spirit. Your father, Melissa, has never traveled out of this country. At least you know that incest is not the "white man’s disease," as our fellow citizens claim about homosexuality. Don’t ask me why men here don’t fight incest with the same zeal.

I love you Melissa. I love you Cellia.

Sybille Ngo Nyeck is a regular contributor to A Globe of Witnesses. Her monthly column is Colors of Conscience. Sybille can be emailed at sybeck77@yahoo.fr